Friday, November 18, 2011

Why I Don't Think It's A Good Idea To Share Your Goals With Those Close To You

When you are trying to change your life, it can be an exciting time for you. And it's only natural to share those goals with other people you know. I have read and heard many gurus say that when you set a goal for yourself, you should hold yourself accountable by telling everybody your goal. The idea being that peer pressure will keep you on track.

The problem I see with this is that if you don't reach the goal you have set for yourself, you feel pretty crappy about it. If you have told eighty of your friends that you set a goal and you didn't reach it, then you have compounded the crappy feeling by eighty times.

It certainly is important to have a system of accountability. But relying on your friends to be your goal "police" can be stressful for not only you but also for them if they are somehow responsible for making sure you stay on track.

I can think of examples of friends that have said they will do this or that and then they never do. I would never tell them this but after awhile, you shake your head inside and say to yourself - yeah right, like that's going to happen. This happens because there is a track record of failure.

The other problem with sharing your goals with others is that they might not share your goals. In that case, you will have someone who will subconsciously sabotage your mission.

The thing is that people like things the way they are. We are all creatures of habit. We don't really like change and for the most part we will do anything we can to keep that balance.

We also don't really like to see people do better than us. Whether it's being in better shape, having a nice car or just in general a somewhat perceived better life, we prefer to be equal to everyone else. Then it's easier for all involved.

Because of this, if you set some outstanding goal that threatens others in some way, they will not be supportive of your goal and will also probably not try and help you.

For these reasons, I suggest that you keep your goals to yourself. Reveal goals only after they have been reached. Be a doer. Not a talker.

The first step in being a doer is showing in your actions that you will accomplish. Once whatever you are trying to do is done, then let the result speak for itself.

Most people prefer it that way anyway. They would prefer that you not flaunt your high expectations in their face especially if you have a track record of success.

So keep that in mind at the Black Belt Project. Goals are personal. Goals are achievable. But goals in of themselves are really only words. What I want to see here as we work on things to master our lives is results.

Don't be afraid to set a goal for youself. Don't be afraid to reach it. Once you have reached it, don't be afraid to let it speak for itself.

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Michael Kuhn

Black Belt Project: Build Mental Strength


Great advice. I also have found the "sharing your goals" to be a bad idea even with significant others. One problem is other people can't possibly understand how important your "small steps" are.

I think it's rude as well--especially if things are going well. It's sort of a kin to asking someone how much money they make at a dinner party. (My mother does this...horrifying!)

By the way, I read the Bill Good "Prospecting your way to sales success book" AMAZING! Thank you so much! Implementing and re-reading now will let you know how it goes.

Best, Luke

I'm glad that you found the book useful. But it is like any other book. Unless you act on the information, it's only a good read. I have found that a lot of stuff reads well and is presented well but that doesn't mean it works well because someone said it But I applied what I learned in that book and it was very useful. Sounds like you will too. Good luck!

By the way what are you selling?

Sorry Michael I didn't see the reply.

I'm selling closeouts. How about yourself?

That book is amazing. I just read it a couple more times and have started implementing...the difficulty I have is getting good lists since the product I am selling changes so frequently. I have been using Hoover’s but I find it shockingly inaccurate.

I assume you don’t use the “card” method in the book? I am trying just to put my list in a spreadsheet and then mark cherry, green cherry, ect. next to the number. Then in my off time organize everything. Only put the hot prospects, cherries and green cherries in my CRM software. Also, instead of a tickler add follow up calls straight to Google calender.

Thanks again for your help.

Best, Luke

I'm glad you like the book and are more importantly applying it. You are right, I don't use cards. That's kind of outdated. I use ACT and Google docs. I'm in the group insurance business. Keep me posted!